Guilt
by edwarddicted vampiress
Summary: Bella is forced to move to Forks due to an unpleasant incident in her past.She decides to start over and let go of the past all together. But will things take a worse turn when Bella meets the beautiful jerk in high school,that everyone seems to worship?
1. Chapter 1

**Bella**

"**No! No way mom! You can't do this to me, mom please!"**

"**I'm sorry Bella, but this has to be done."**

"**But mom, just listen to what I have to say!"**

"**No."**

**That's it. My life was done. Renée was rarely this serious about anything, but when she made up her mind, there was no budging her. She had let me off the hook heaps of times before, but now I was royally screwed. It was all my fault really, it always is. Yeah, I get grounded a lot. But this time she's mad. Like really mad.**

"**Mom, Please, I can't go to Forks, you can't send me there."**

**She didn't reply. Shaking my head I left my room, tears running down my face. How could she do this to me? She knew how much I hated Forks. She herself hated Forks. Then why this? I ran down the steps and stepped inside the kitchen, **_**my kitchen**__._ **A sob building up in my chest knowing that this would be the last time I'd be cooking in here. I walked over to the window and stared out, into the warm sunshine. I loved sunshine and I loved Phoenix. And now I had to go. Had to leave it all behind. And the worst part was knowing that I had brought this all on me. I couldn't blame Renée one bit. She was doing the right thing. But even then I couldn't bring myself to accept it. **

"**Bella?" A deep voice broke through interrupting my train of thought. I turned around to face Phil. Renée's husband. "I'm sorry Bella, but this time I can't argue with her. She's right. You need to go and live with your father, you need the change." I didn't reply, knowing that it'd be useless anyway. They were right and I was wrong. And I hated myself for being wrong. I wiped away the residual tears from my face, walked past Phil and ran back to my room again. I found Renée there, hunched over, her face in her hands. Sobbing. And I hated myself even more for hurting her. For hurting everyone I loved. And I made up my mind. **

**I was going to Forks without one more complaint.**

"**I love you honey, please don't hate me for doing this, I'm doing this for your own good, you'll realize that later, just take care and always call me, okay? And say hi to Charlie for me, take care of him too, and-"**

**Renée was stopped by Phil pulling at her arm. I was in the airport, all set to leave. Hadn't cried once since last night. But I knew it was all building up somewhere inside me, and I was working too hard to keep it in check. But I had to do this. For the sake of everyone I loved. I hugged Renée for a few seconds and let go of her, internally screaming at myself to not let go. She kissed my forehead and cheeks and tried to smile at me with puffy red eyes. Her expression was rather comical and I had to smile back at her.**

"**Alright now, time to go. Look after yourself Bella." Phil said with a small smile. I nodded at him, kissed Renée one last time and walked away from them, swallowing the sobs that were threatening to break through with every step I took. **

**I was on air, headphones plugged to my ears. Chewing bubble gum, my eyes staring out of the tiny window. I tried to remember what Port Angeles looked like but couldn't. I wondered about Charlie instead. My dad. Renée and Charlie split up when I was about two. She settled in Phoenix with me. Two years back, she met Phil and they got married. Everyone was happy. I was glad that she finally met someone. It had never occurred to me that Charlie never found anyone. And it was disturbing to think of it now. I felt guilty somehow, even if clearly, **_**this**_** was not my fault. I wanted to make it up for Charlie. I wanted to be the daughter he's never had. I didn't want to disappoint him. I wanted to start all over. Away from alcohol and drugs and fatal accidents and ending up in hospitals or police stations.**

**I was Isabella swan, daughter of chief swan, seventeen years old and I wanted to be good.**

**The plane had landed at half past six…**_**maybe**_** half past six. I was confused. Charlie had arrived thirty minutes earlier to greet me. And I felt guilty for keeping him waiting, even if it wasn't my fault that he had been stupid to come so early.**

**Man, I feel **_**way**_** too guilty for everything. **

**I couldn't decipher the emotion that passed through me when I met Charlie. I could see that he was supremely happy for having me and also anxious about me. And I also knew that somewhere inside his head he was disappointed at me. We hugged rather awkwardly. We were too much like each other. We couldn't open up to people and we rarely said our exact thoughts out loud. He led me to his cruiser and I suppressed a groan. I had always hated riding in that. We were quiet through out the journey only occasionally trying to make small talk. Well, it was usually me who started it….and ended it.**

**Finally we crossed the boundaries of Forks. A small, dreary town in the Olympic peninsula, that was constantly under the clouds. I didn't want to think about it. I wouldn't think about it. **

**Charlie's house was still the same. The same gray-blue paint covered the wood, completely withered by rain and wind. Inside, it was warm. It was the only bit of warmth I received after arriving here. Charlie took me to my room. And I wanted to wail and run back to Phoenix when I caught sight of it. The walls were oak brown and just plain boring. There was a little dressing table with no mirror and a little study table. The bed was small, the sheets were white and looked extremely rough. The deep blue quilt seemed to be the only thing that was nice. I kind of liked it. I took a deep breath and turned around to face Charlie.**

"**The room looks good dad. Thanks."**

"**Who are you kidding Bells? This place looks like somebody died in here. You're goin' shopping tomorrow to get some new stuff for your room. I'd have done it myself but I don't know what you prefer so…" It was the longest speech Charlie had made since I got here and even if it was about my room, I couldn't help but smile at him. Charlie blushed and I smiled wider. "Its alright dad. I'll do it myself. Don't worry." Charlie nodded. "Okay then. I'll leave you to get fresh and you must be hungry…." He frowned at his feet. I knew he hadn't thought of that before. Charlie was simple and he usually ate stuff like pizza or stake over at some local restaurant or something. Charlie had suffered enough for one night and I didn't have the heart to bother him anymore.**

"**It's fine. I'm not really hungry, I'm just tired. I want to get some sleep that's all." He nodded, eyes still glued to his feet. He walked over to the door, turned the knob and stepped out, then turned around again like he'd forgotten something.**

"**Bells?"**

"**yeah?"**

"**I'm really glad you're here" I nodded with a small smile.**

"**Night dad."**

"**Night Bells." Saying this he closed the door and I heard his heavy footsteps descend down the old staircase.**

**That night, as I lay on the rough sheets, covered in the soft, comfortable quilt, I didn't cry. Not even once.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I awoke early next morning, feeling stiff and sticky. At first I was confused by the dim gray light peeking through the curtains. Then the happenings of the previous day flashed through my head. **

**I was in Forks.**

_**Dammit.**_

**I walked over to the window, pulling back the curtains. The sun hadn't risen completely yet. Outside it was…different. Definitely different. In Phoenix I'd have seen cars parked in the driveway and people walking about with their dogs. I'd have seen warm sunshine cover the mountains.**

**But this was Forks.**

**All I could see was green. Green, green, and green. It was foggy and drizzling slightly. The trees swayed now and then with the wind. It was peaceful and creepy at the same time.**

**I left the window and walked over to my luggages. They were mostly packed with stuff like jackets and sweaters and overcoats. I pulled out a shirt and sweatpants, slung my bag of toiletries over my shoulder and went to the bathroom.**

**The bathroom that I was going to have to share with Charlie. **

**I didn't want to think about it. ****I wouldn't think about it.**

**I took a long shower. The warm water felt good on my skin. I shampooed and applied conditioner to my hair, cleansing my face with the face wash I had brought along with me. I wished that the warm water would never run out. I don't know why, but it felt kind of comfortable being in the shower. It felt like, I don't know….home? **

**I walked back to my room and plopped down on the bed, snatching my phone up from the little bedside table that Charlie had bought for me when I came to spend my holidays with him when I was like four or five. I checked the time. Half past five in the morning. **_**Wow, it's early.**_

**I cleared my head and thought through the important things that I was going to have to do today. **_**Translation:**__**All the shit that I was gonna have to endure today.**_

**Charlie had already gotten me enrolled in Forks high school. Today was supposed to be my first day, and I was sure as hell going to mess it up. I hated first days. People always stared at you like your some goddamned circus freak or something. And this was Forks and I was the top cop's daughter. The spotlight was sure to be on me for the entire day. Maybe the entire week. **_**Ugh.**_

**Running my hand through my wet hair, I decided to check out the kitchen.**

**I climbed down the stairs softly in case I woke Charlie, which was of no use because when I entered the kitchen, Charlie was already seated in the little dining table and sipping coffee, eyes glued to the newspaper in his hand. His eyes snapped up as soon as I entered and he smiled at me.**

"**Hey Bella."**

"**Hi dad."**

"**I didn't know you were an early riser."**

"**I'm not. I just couldn't sleep any longer, 'cause you know it's a new place and I need some time to adjust with the environment and stuff."**

"**Oh."**

"**Um, dad?"**

"**Yeah?"**

"**How do I get to school?" I didn't want to ask him that as my drivers license was already suspended due to….an unpleasant incident, but I couldn't bear the thought of riding in his cruiser on my very first day at school. I'd die of humiliation.**

'**About that…" Charlie said, his face getting serious. "Bella, I got your license back"**

"**You What?!" My tone an octave higher than usual. Was he serious?!? **

"**I got you're license back." He said, pink creping up his neck. "I know how much you hate riding in my cruiser and, I, uh, got you a…car." **

**I was stunned, my mouth hanging open. Charlie did what? First he got my license back and now he's saying he got me a **_**car?**_

"**Dad, but why, I mean I don't really deserve this and –" **

"**Bells please. I know that coming here was a big enough punishment for you. And you're really being graceful 'bout this. I want you to start over. You do deserve this." He finished staring at me right in the eye. And then with a gruff voice he added "And don't you dare embarrass me about doing this for you."**

**Now it was my turn to flush. He knew that I hated coming here. And he wanted me to start over. He wanted me to be **_**good.**_** I felt a twinge of compassion building up in my chest for Charlie. For dad. Words couldn't describe how wonderful it felt to look into Charlie's eyes and see nothing but trust and love and faith. No disappointment.**

**Acting on impulse, I stepped towards Charlie, bent forward and wrapped my arms around his shoulders in a bear hug. Charlie was surprised by my sudden gesture. I rarely hugged. He was stiff for a moment and then awkwardly wrapped his free hand around my back.**

"**Thanks dad." I said. "You have no idea how much this means to me."**

"**Any time Bells." He said chuckling. "Now have some breakfast. And then get ready for school." I let go of Charlie and stepped back to look at him. I was smiling. A real smile. And he was smiling back at me. The corners of his eyes crinkling, and I wanted to hug him, again, but I resisted. Too much affection at once may freak him out. Clearly, I, myself was freaking out a little. Where the hell were all these sudden emotions coming from?**

**Breakfast was dry cornflakes and cold milk from the carton straightaway.**

**I was definitely going to have to improve the meals. I'd enjoy that.**

**Charlie took me out to see the car he'd gotten me. I honestly didn't care how it turned out. I was just happy that he had trusted me enough to get me a car. So, without hesitating I went with him preparing myself for some old crappy junk.**

**But when I saw it, surprisingly, I liked it. Yeah, I **_**really **_**liked it. It was an old Chevy truck. It must've had a paint job recently, because the coat of paint sure looked new. I thanked Charlie heartily telling him every time how much I really loved it and how it was perfect for me. Charlie flushed and I smiled triumphantly. I loved making him blush. He was cute when he did. **

**Seriously, where was all this **_**coming**_** from? **

**I got back to my room soon after that to get ready for school. I picked black jeans that hugged my legs snugly, a deep blue sweater and sneakers. Back in Phoenix I'd have spent at least half an hour planning my outfit and applying make-up. But right now, I couldn't bring myself to give a shit about how I looked. I chose a random black jacket from the heaps that Renée had packed for me. I brushed my hair, letting it fall over my shoulder. My nails were still shining with the black coat of nail polish I had painted on two days back. With one last glance at myself in the little mirror I'd brought along with me I decided that I looked decent. **_**Way more decent than in Phoenix.**_

**Charlie bid me good luck as I got into the truck. **_**My truck, **_**I thought with an inwardly smile.**

**He gave me the directions to forks only high school. It was when I finally set off I realized what was coming. My palms were sweaty and my mouth was dry. Tension and anxiety were building up in the pit of my stomach. I had a feeling that I was going to fuck this up. **

_**Shut up.**_** I scolded myself. **_**You're gonna do great. Just don't trip and don't swear. **_**I chanted this in my head as the school building finally came in view. It looked pretty normal. I parked my truck in the parking lot that was a whole lot smaller than the one we had in Phoenix. I turned off the engine and rested my head against the seat. I had to this. I simply **_**had**_** to go through it flawlessly.**

**Praying to whatever god it was out there to help me survive my first day, I stepped out into the light drizzle. I took a deep breath and walked forward playing my newly found mantra on repeat in my head.**

_**You're gonna do great. Just don't trip and don't swear.**_


End file.
